I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
