3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
