so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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