There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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