Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize