Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
