i just wanna soil my oats bro
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize