i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
