I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
