it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
