that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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