He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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