Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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