this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
