why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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