im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
