If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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