you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't EVER smell your tampon
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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