dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize