Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
