Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
