You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize