just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
