How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
