i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
