Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
