told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize