he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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