Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was CRYING into my vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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