We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
