The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Drunk is a universal language darling
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