I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
