so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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