if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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