oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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