I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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