every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
