I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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