dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
