Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
