I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
