if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
