Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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