just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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