I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You're a waste of cheezeits
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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