I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
