i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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