i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
