You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
