Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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