I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
