apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
