4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
