dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
