So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
