im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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