the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
