Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
