Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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