I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
