I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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