I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
