so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
