Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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