sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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