Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
