I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
