Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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