woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
